So, as you may have noticed, I am making an effort to GET OUT. Hence, this blog. Hence my recent trip out to try and find reasonably priced winter running clothes that won’t make me look 40lbs heavier and will actually keep me warm. (TJMaxx-you failed me).
I have great intentions to GET OUT. I am also so very, very tired.
My children are, for the most part, just great. We’ve gotten through some rough behavior issues and have come out better people…or whatever the books say we should be feeling at this point. They are curious, sweet, and funny. They are also horrible sleepers. I haven’t really slept in like 6 years.
The best part (said with great irony) is that somehow, even though the baby cannot really speak, even though my son almost incapable of keeping a secret (he gets that from his Dad), even though my big girl (3yrs) doesn’t really have any concept of time, somehow they are able to intricately plan a schedule so they all wake up at separate times throughout the night. Not only at separate times, but they are also able to sense when I have juuuust barely fallen back to sleep.
This is a general idea of my day:
5:30am-wake up when my spidey sense somehow alerts me to the fact that my son is now awake. I try to ignore him.
5:45am-try to put baby back to sleep-she seems to have inherited my spidey sense.
6am-push husband so he turns off alarm and gets up with son and big girl who have been laying in bed waiting for the clock to turn to SIX-ZERO-ZERO.
**My husband and I have made many spoken deals with the kids about wake up times, and one important unspoken rule with each other. Mainly that no matter when the big kids wake up (they share a room), they have to stay in bed quietly and not wake anyone else up, until the clock reads SIX-ZERO-ZERO. Are you done laughing yet? You shouldn’t be-it’s HI-larious to honestly ask a small child to lay quietly in their bed for upwards of 30-45 minutes-but we are so desperate for sleep we are willing to try ANYTHING. The next deal is vitally important-it states (in my head-which is TOTALLY AND LEGALLY BINDING) that because I am getting up at night with the children I do not get up with them in the morning. We like to pretend that this is actually so my husband can spend some nice quality time with them before the day gets going, but in truth it is because if he didn’t I would turn into some demon born of hellfire.**
So, between 6:30-7ish I get up for the day and from that point on there is:
All. Day. Long.
I’ll grant you that there is a small break during nap, a small break that I cherish. Beyond that is the wall of noise until bed.
Then I get a few hours of semi-quiet, with occasional wake ups from the kids, then I’m off to bed myself.
Where I get very short sessions of lovely sleep until the baby cries and even though she is eating more than a toddler and some small adults, she just HAS to be nursed. After she is settled and I am dozing off someone has a bad dream. Fears snuggled away, I return to my bed where I drift off. Until my darling husband rolls onto his back and proceeds to serenade me with his imitation of an elephant. After poking and pushing at him until he rolls over again, I snuggle into the covers, until the baby wakes again…you get the idea.
I’ve gotten 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep twice in the past year or so. Twice.
I am le tired.
Now, I know that I am not without blame for the night wakings-and I could change them, but anyone who has been where I am knows that the idea of getting even less sleep is heartbreaking. Right now I prefer to look at the night snuggles as a bonus and go to bed with hope. Hope that tonight will be different and everyone will sleep and I’ll wake up with enough energy to finish my ‘To-Do’ list and GET OUT by myself.
Are you done laughing yet? No? Yeah, I know, it’s HI-larious.