I’ve been working really hard on being positive, finding the good, trying not to get bogged down in sad or angry thoughts, but holy crap can that be tiring.
To be really honest it’s been a truly shitty few months. Actually, this year has been rough. I was hoping that 2013 would change things up a bit, but my sinuses seem to have a different agenda than I do.
Lots of change this year. Change can be (and usually is) good, but change is hard no matter how awesome it is.
Kids love change. Oh, WAIT, my bad! Kids TOTALLY HATE CHANGE. You change their schedule and they will make you pay for months. MONTHS. They won’t even know they’re still doin’ it, but they will make you rue the day you changed anything.
So, just to be fun, we thought it would be awesome to have one child start kindergarten, one child start preschool, and Husband/Daddy start a new job that has a different schedule that doesn’t allow him to be home for dinner or many bedtimes. Super Awesome Fun Times!!
During this super awesome fun time called Autumn 2012, we lost the third family member of the year. Already we had mourned for two others, and now we had to do so for a third.
An aside here: Losing someone you love is heartbreaking, no matter how expected or even welcomed it may be. I truly believe that we can still speak and send our love to those who are gone, but that doesn’t ease the pain when all you want is to do is hold their hand or hear them laugh or say your name. When someone is lost unexpectedly that heartbreak is magnified and mangled. Like I said, this was a really hard year. If you still have the chance, tell those you love that you love them. Tell them that the world values them and needs them. Show them through your own life that they made a difference – that they are still making a difference. Don’t lose this chance – just do it, OK?
So, in the midst of all this, there was some drama. I’m not going to go into it, but sometimes it’s hard to get back up on the horse when you know someone has been fucking with your horse. Hence the radio silence from this end. Just when I felt a smidgen better about it, the unthinkable happened right here, just the next town over.
After December 14th, I kind of went into hibernation. I stopped calling people, emailing, writing. I holed up at home with my family and played Christmas music nonstop.
Since Newtown I have been making a conscious effort to be more positive, to see the joy and the good in situations as much as possible. It’s really hard to do that while having nightmares, while hearing ridiculous people spout hateful things about the situation, while feeling the urge to yell about anything and everything. I started to write a number of times about gun control and what to do next, but when the essay went over three pages and I wasn’t nearly done yet, I knew it wouldn’t work.
So here I am. I didn’t start this blog to be serious all of the time. I just wanted to be able to talk to other adults about the things that were happening in my life and all around the world. You know, the big three: Kids, Poop, and Life. Well, times have changed. We are dealing with a new “normal”.
As a mother it is my job to make sure that my kids are safe and healthy. It’s my job to try and give them the best chance to grow up and be happy, productive adults. Which means it’s my job to fight for their rights.
Their right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
If I don’t speak up for them now, how will I ever teach them that their voices count? Fear and Hope can motivate a person equally.
2012 was rough. 2013 will be probably have its moments, too, but I still have a chance to speak up, so I have to take it, no matter how big or small the audience.
(PS- this doesn’t mean I’m going to turn this blog into a crusade, or that every post will be about gun control or the like…I’m hoping I can get back to the fun, silly stuff that I actually intended to write about in the first place. I’m hoping that Balance will be a bigger part of 2013 than it was in 2012. Much love to you and yours!)
(PPS- I just want you to recognize HOW HARD it was to NOT throw in a Beastie Boys reference above….)